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Why stalking victims tend to become their own Advocates.

The victim and her husband ran a fairly successful mobile karaoke business in both in the outskirts as well as Honky Tonk/tourist bars in downtown Nashville as a hobby/side job. During one of these performances one of the customers in the bar performed, and the victim’s husband being the nice guy he was started introducing him to other karaoke regulars in the bar, trying to make him feel welcome.


On another night, this newcomer decided to give the victim a $100 tip. When she went to him to explain that was too much, and he must have thought he gave her a ten instead of the hundred. He smiled and told her she was basically worth it and then went up on stage to perform one of his songs. This subject then sent her a request on MySpace, [my wife won’t even let me on Facebook], and like most of their other customers and associates, she accepted his request, and thought nothing of it. Not long after that, the then soon to be stalker, began “flirting” with the victim. She advised him to stop sending these types of contacts, and that she was happily married and not the least bit interested in him or anyone else; especially after he started making comments about her husband being too old for her and asking her if she wanted children. Once she made it clear she wasn’t interested, he began making negative comments about her appearance as well as other demeaning sayings. Once her husband saw these, the stalker was deleted and blocked on the account. The victim recalled, she had very little contact with the stalker when he initially came into their world. Once the stalker was blocked, he would show up to some of the shows, but would not sing; however, the victim said he would just stand in the crowd glaring at me like he was trying to burn a hole through me.


One night he casually walked up to the victim’s husband and calmly greeted him saying “how is it going, like nothing had happened.” When the victim’s husband confronted him about the rude and demeaning messages, he had sent his wife, he responded saying that he had a crazy ex-girlfriend who knew how to hack into his social media sites.

The victim didn’t see or hear from the stalker for about a month when he showed up at a bar they were working at that was thirty minutes outside of Nashville. The upset victim immediately told the bar management about her stalker and she wanted him removed. Even though the victim had a concealed carry permit, she had left her gun in her car because the bar was a no firearms allowed location. While she attempted to hide from her stalker, she watched as management started to move to remove the stalker from the premises. During that time, he had walked behind her husband, pulled out a 45 Cal. semi-auto from underneath his shirt, and shot her husband pointblank range seven times once in the back of the head, and six more in his torso while he lay on the stage, killing him instantly. As he attempted to flee, he was tackled by a Marine who was in the crowd and held for responding law enforcement.


This particular type of stalker would be classified as an Erotomanic type stalker. This was a term coined years ago to describe a stalker who delusionally felt that his or her victim had a relationship with them, or was in love with them, when of course this was not true. These types of stalkers usually do not stop their stalking behavior because they are continually trying to fulfill their delusion.


The victim’s stalker was prosecuted and sentenced to prison for a number of years. However, initially unbeknownst to the victim he had immediately began writing love letters along with other commentary and mailing to her then attorney, who had kept her out of the loop for a period of years, until in the last few years, he made her aware of them. This not only caused the victim pain and despair, but a great deal of fear, because he was set to get an early release for “good behavior” in just a few more years, and she was deathly afraid he would continue coming after her. [ In my opinion that would be the case.] This is when she started her own campaign to get her stalker prosecuted again for stalking her from prison. Due to her continued efforts, she was able to get the Federal Prosecutors office involved, and they prosecuted him for felony stalking which got him and additional five years, with no chance of parole in a federal prison. She was also instrumental in getting a law passed in which a stalker could be served with a lifetime order of protection in the state of Tennessee. If violated, and hopefully said violation would also include an additional stalking charge, but if not the mere violation of the order itself would amount to a class A misdemeanor, which in of itself could hopefully generate some tough consequences.


Folks, I see this time and time again. Way too often, the victim has to go after the help he or she (primarily she) needs to get the requisite results. Because of the way we investigated stalkers and assisted our victims that never happened; however, for most folks their cases are not taken on by a Threat Management Unit or Family Protection Unit like we had.

So, if you are victim of stalking, be ready to fight for what you need to at least slow down and hopefully rid yourself of your stalker. (Once again, my latest book, Antidote For A Stalker (Amazon) will help you do that.)

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